


My Big Fat Joestar Family Reunion

by merryfortune



Series: JoJo's Bizarre Pokemon Catching Adventure [2]
Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Canon Divergence, Crack Treated Seriously, Dialogue Heavy, Gen, I haven't tagged mentioned characters and ships but its pretty much only the canon relationships, Post canon, Spoilers, Universe Alterations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2019-01-29 06:23:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12625101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merryfortune/pseuds/merryfortune
Summary: Yasuho gets into contact with Kujo Jotaro on Gappy's behalf to organise a family reunion. Together, she and Gappy arrive and have no idea what to expect and somehow, all their expectations are met and taken beyond.





	My Big Fat Joestar Family Reunion

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. A family tree for your convenience. [https://steelpokeballrun.tumblr.com/post/165467073684/in-case-you-guys-were-wondering-this-is-how] [click to enlarge, sorry about the spelling mistakes, it's old]  
> 2\. JoJoLion is my bitch.  
> 3\. If you can finish this and understand it, you, my friend, are the one who deserves kudos.

  Yasuho double checked the map against the plaque on the wall.

 ‘Yep, this is the place.’ she confirmed.

  She glanced at Gappy. He smiled weakly but her eyes were alight with excitement, at least until her brows furrowed and lips pouted.

  ‘You don’t seem all that… excited. I thought this was what you wanted.’

  ‘This is what Josefumi wanted… But it kind of is what I want as well. I wanted to know where I came from, why no one was looking for me… We found out why but this. This seems really scary.’

  ‘Well, it’s too late to back out now. Don’t worry Gappy, I’ll hold your hand. Together, we can conquer anything.’

  ‘Thanks, Yasuho.’

  Gappy pecked Yasuho’s cheek and she tucked the map in behind her back and her skirt. For now, it would be safe there. Then, she and Gappy’s hands interlocked. Together they pushed on the double doors and they opened onto the room the avenue had booked. 

  According to the numbers Yasuho had run, the people from Gappy’s family who had volunteered their time for the family reunion was to be about thirteen so they had only booked a small venue. 

  When the doors opened, everyone in the room - more than thirteen people actually - swivelled around and seemed ecstatic to be meeting their long-lost relative. 

  ‘What are we gonna tell them?’ Gappy asked. He smiled a fake smile as his back straightened.

  ‘We already decided, remember? The truth.’ Yasuho replied.

  The oldest man in the room glanced around to his juniors and they all nodded. He wore a big overcoat with patterned lapels and similar. He walked towards Gappy and Yasuho, two women followed bouncy in tow. One appeared older than the man, the other appeared far younger. Between the man and the younger woman, they had similar noses. Were they father and daughter, perhaps? As for the older woman, she had similar eyes to the man so it was possible they were mother and son.

  He bowed once he got within respectable reach of Gappy and Yasuho who had now slunk out of the doorway, and closer to the bar.

  ‘I am Kujo Jotaro, I’m from Kanto,  I am the son of Kujo Sadao and his wife, Holy Joestar.’

  ‘Holy Joestar, Unovan by birth but Kantonese by marriage. Sort of. Well, Holy Kujo, actually. I never returned to my maiden name after the divorce.’

  ‘I’m this guy’s daughter, Jolyne. Unovan.’ the younger woman said. 

  ‘We would like to welcome you into our midst.’ Jotaro continued.

  ‘Clan!’ someone piped up from the back of the room, a young man, who then downed some sort of alcoholic drink.

  ‘Family.’ another young man with a dark complexion retorted.

  ‘I agree! Family!’ a third young man with an olive complexion and blonde hair eagerly agreed to the nodding of the somewhat older, pink haired man who was currently holding a young child.

  ‘No!’ the second young man - and Jotaro - both yelled.

  ‘We’re a family.’ Holy decided. ‘And we’re glad you’re now a part of it as well.’

  ‘We’re one big, screwed-up family. So, what’s your story, eh, kids?’ Jolyne prompted.

  ‘I’m Higashikata Gappy.’

  ‘Higashikata?!’ two young men screeched at once.

  ‘And this is my girlfriend, Hirose Yasuho, who you would remember from over the phone.’   

  ‘Wait, Hirose?!’

  ‘It is good to meet you in person, Miss Hirose. It is admirable of you to have tracked us all down in order to collaborate with me to create this reunion.’ Jotaro said.

  Yasuho bowed. ‘When I first met Gappy, I resolved I would do anything in my power to help him get back to his family. Even though we’re now romantically involved, that desire remained unchanging. It was… hard. But we got there.’

  The two men who had screeched “Higashikata” and “Hirose” had wandered over awkwardly. 

  ‘Yeah, we’ve got a lot to talk about… don’t we, son?’ the man wearing the pompadour said.

  ‘Uh…. not quite. I mean, yes, I am biologically your son but I’m also… not.’ Gappy hesitantly explained.

  ‘I thought you were the egg that got my donor sperm?’

  Jotaro glanced at Yasuho. ‘This is what I mean, Gappy’s existence is something of an anomaly which is why I never explained it over the phone.’

  ‘How about we start with introductions then, and we can all explain our connections to the Joestar family tree as well.’ the man with the dark complexion suggested.

  Everyone grabbed a chair and lumped into the family groups. Chairs were brought into a circle and everyone glanced around expectantly. 

  ‘I’m Higashikata Josuke and back in the ‘00s, Okuyasu and I needed a little bit of money so I volunteered to donate some sperm. That sperm ended up in Gappy?’ Josuke said. 

  ‘It’s good to meet you, Gappy. You are my son also since Josuke and I are married.’ 

  There was a chorus of “it’s good to meet you” which was then met with muttering from Jotaro.

  ‘I think it’ll be easier if we start from the top so that Gappy can get where we’re all coming from.’ Holy suggested.

  ‘I agree.’ Jotaro replied. ‘So, the Joestar tree has two distinct branches which for simplicity’s sake, we’ll say started with Jonathan Joestar and his cousin Johnny Joestar, both lived prior to the twentieth century. The Joestar family is of Kalosian origin but Johnny’s father relocated to Unova and his family remained there for sometime before moving between the likes of Alola and Kalos.’ Jotaro explained. ‘And we’ll let Jonathan’s son speak first.’

  ‘I am Giorno Giovanna from Kalos but I am Kantonese by birth. I am the proud son of Jonathan Joestar.’ the young man with the olive complexion and strange, blonde hair declared.

  ‘Wait, you said they lived in the twentieth century, he looks… well… barely younger than Gappy’s father.’ Yasuho objected.

  ‘My father Dio Brando lived the grand old age of one-hundred and twenty-two or near enough.’

  ‘Didn’t you just say your father was Jonathan Joestar?’ Yasuho asked, her tone of voice and expression becoming increasingly exasperated.

  Giorno’s expression changed. ‘I have more fathers than you can poke six sticks at. My two biological fathers, my step-father, and then you could even argue at least one honorary father.’

  ‘Jonathan Joestar’s father adopted Dio Brando, son of a man who had “saved” him the night Jonathan’s mother passed away in a carriage accident. The two young sons had a long feud which resulted in Jonathan’s death and Dio Brando’s old age.’

  Giorno indicated the woman sitting next to him. ‘This is my wife, Trish Una.’ 

  Both were a very glamorous pair and they had been holding hands but now Giorno was digging through the pockets of his suit.

  ‘Giovanna, dear! I changed my name, remember?’ his wife scolded him.

  ‘I know, I know, my love but it hasn’t been too long.’ sighed Giorno.

  ‘Anyways, Gappy, Yasuho, it is lovely to meet you both. The last big Joestar event would have been a funeral so it’s nice to have something like this.’ Trish said. 

   ‘Here’s a picture of Dio Brando from 1984, which is prior to the year of my birth.’ Giorno said. ‘1984, coincidentally, is the year Dio Brando was killed by my dear great-great nephew-slash-grandson, Jotaro.’

  ‘What?!’ Yasuho screeched.

  Gappy began to blubber. ‘I-I can’t believe it. This family is more fucked up than I thought. I think I will fit in.’

  ‘The man was a menace.’ Jotaro huffed.

  ‘I can drink to that.’ Giorno agreed.

  ‘Dio had stolen Jonathan’s body back in 1889 and used it to conceive Giorno and his brothers in the 1980’s. Jonathan, however, had a child by his wife, George Joestar the Second - the first George, is Jonathan’s father. George would later marry a woman named Elizabeth and from their union, Joseph Joestar was born…’

  There was a moment of pause.

  ‘Joseph recently passed away.’ Holy explained. ‘Joseph was my father.’

  ‘And mine too.’ Josuke piped up.

  ‘And mine as well!’ a young girl piped up.

  Yasuho and Gappy hadn’t noticed her in the crowd. She seemed slightly younger than Giorno.

  ‘And here I am, Holy’s son.’ Jotaro said. 

  ‘And then there’s me, Jotaro’s daughter.’ Jolyne said. ‘And this is my wife, Hermes.’

  ‘Hello.’ the dark-skinned woman sitting with Jolyne hesitantly raised her hand. She seemed standoffish.

  ‘My husband, Narciso.’

  ‘It is good to meet you.’

  ‘And my daughter, Irene.’

  ‘Are you two gonna get married?!’ the girl sitting in Narciso’s lap screeched.

  Yasuho blushed.

  ‘Irene, I told you, it’s rude to ask people that.’ Hermes roused.

  ‘We’re polyamorous but Hermes and Narciso aren’t involved like that. Conflicting orientations.’ Jolyne explained.

  ‘But I do consider us true companions which is good enough I think.’ Hermes embarrassedly added. 

  ‘Wait, should we backtrack and go back to Joseph’s other children, not just the ones through Grandma?’ Jolyne asked.

  ‘Probably.’

  ‘Okay, so I’m Josuke. We already knew that but I’m Joseph's illegitimate son. Married to Okuyasu, probably the father of Gappy?’ Josuke awkwardly explained.

  ‘I’m Shizuka Joestar, Joseph’s adopted daughter.’ the young girl said. She had very little presence and seemed very shy; not to mention, she was strangely non-descript in features.

  ‘And I sort of am his adopted son. I’m probably closer to being Cujoh ward though. Used to anyway. I mean, I’m independent nowadays but Shizuka is like a sister to me, and so is Jolyne. I’m Emporio Alniño.’ a short, youth piped up. 

  Shizuka shot him a smile.

  ‘So does that bring us… to me?’ Gappy asked.

  ‘I guess so. Well, we could go down the other half of the Joestar tree which is Johnny Joestar’s side.’ the man with the dark complexion said. ‘I’m Michael Joestar-Zeppeli. I’m Johnny Joestar’s great-great-great-grandson. But only in name. Even though I’m the one carrying the name “Joestar”, I haven’t a drop of Joestar blood in me. Isn’t that ironic? But to be fair, I’m also carrying the name “Zeppeli” which is a weird quirk that’s managed to survive five generations; unlike on Jonathan’s side of the family. Johnny kept his name and so did his husband, Gyro. Their adopted son, Marco, took both their names and it’s been that way ever since? We’re not as exciting as say Giorno’s connection to the family but hey. We welcome everyone and anyone here.’

  ‘Does this mean story time’s over?’ Irene asked her parents.

  ‘I have a feeling, my love, that story time has just begun.’ Narciso replied.

  ‘Will it be a boring story? Because those were all boring stories. Except for Uncle Giorno’s.’ Irene complained.

  ‘I don’t know why but that is the most validating thing anyone has ever told me.’ Giorno laughed.

  ‘We should have children of our own one day, honey.’ Trish murmured.

  ‘Perhaps. I want to have enough children to have a private soccer team.’ Giorno hummed.

  ‘I’m the one who has to push them out.’ Trish pointed out.

  ‘How many do you want then?’

  ‘Not that many.’ 

  Trish and Giorno continued to have a private conversation. Irene clambered onto Hermes’ lap and Hermes began playing with her hair. Yasuho and Gappy exchanged a glance.

  ‘I think little Irene will like the story. I think it’ll give Mr Giovanna a run for his money.’ Yasuho said slowly.

  ‘Oh, I doubt that? Witchcraft and wizardry contributed to my conception.’ Giorno said.

  ‘Contributed to mine as well.’ Gappy replied, not necessarily in a back-chat way but it certainly caused the room to stiffen.

  ‘Who here wants to run bets?’ Giorno asked.

  ‘No!’ Jotaro yelled.

  ‘That reminds me,’ Trish mused, ‘should we let Gappy in on the worst kept secret about our family?’

  ‘Even Josuke’s friend Koichi knows.’ Giorno replied in seeming agreement.

  ‘Josuke’s friend… Koichi?’ Yasuho echoed.

  ‘That reminds me.’ Okuyasu folded his arms. ‘Hirose Yasuho is a very familiar name to me. Josuke, do you know why?’

  ‘Haven’t the foggiest.’ Josuke shrugged.

  ‘I’m Hirose Koichi’s… niece.’ Yasuho said.   

  ‘No friggin’ way!’ Okuyasu and Josuke both shouted to Yasuho’s utter terror. Their eyes gleamed with excitement. 

  ‘I knew she looked familiar.’ Josuke enthused. ‘We met her once at one of Koichi’s birthday parties, I reckon. Goodness, she would’ve been two feet off the ground maybe. You’re Suzuyo’s daughter.’

  ‘Correct.’ Yasuho replied. ‘Ah! I know you two now! Uncle Koichi and Aunt Yukako’s friends!’

  ‘Man, small world, eh?’ Josuke said.

  ‘Gappy, for our sake, please treat our girl well.’ Okuyasu warned.

  ‘I-I promise, sirs.’ Gappy replied.

  ‘We gotta ring up Koichi immediately.’ Josuke said.

  Jotaro coughed. ‘You two can do that later. It is Gappy’s turn to speak.’

  ‘Besides, we’re just… dating.’ Yasuho said; cheeks flushed to a bright crimson.

  Josuke and Okuyasu guffawed, rolled their eyes. Clearly, those two were already seeing weddings in Gappy and Yasuho’s future.

  ‘Yeah… Our turn to speak.’ Gappy said.

  Yasuho shot Gappy an encouraging look. He got up abruptly, to the surprise of everyone present.

  ‘I am Higashikata Gappy and I am not Josuke’s son.’

  ‘Ha?’ Josuke rudely snarled.

  ‘It’s a long and complicated story. I would expose myself but there is a child in the room.’

  ‘Four. He has four of them.’ Yasuho laughed and she hid her mouth behind her hand.

  ‘Four? Expose myself?’ Giorno echoed. ‘Stars, this is going to be interesting.’

  ‘Wait, did this motherfuc-, I mean, did this guy just imply he has four,’ Jolyne quietened her voice and Hermes clamped her hands over Irene’s ears, ‘dicks?’

  ‘Testicles, actually.’ Gappy corrected her.

  ‘And a lopsided penis.’ Yasuho replied.

  ‘Giorno, the more I attend these functions, the more I decide that having just you in my life is more than enough.’ Trish sounded horrified as she spoke.

  ‘Amen, sister.’ Hermes agreed.

  ‘I agreed to marry into this family and marry into all its quirks I shall.’ Narciso said.

  Jotaro stared off into the distance. He seemed very exhausted by this family.

  ‘Honey, you’re a contributing factor to the weirdness.’ Hermes huffed and crossed her arms.

  ‘She has you there, Narciso.’ Giorno pointed out. 

  ‘I am aware, Boss.’ Narciso sighed, defeated.

  ‘I’d argue with you there but we’re trying this new thing called being “polite”.’ Jolyne huffed.

  ‘My, this is certainly something else, Gappy, dear, please continue and… enlighten us.’ Holy said.   

  ‘Biologically, yes, I am Josuke’s son but I’m also biologically… not. I have two sets of DNA inside of me. One set, belongs to… you guys. The second set belongs to… Someone else. I’m a genetic chimaera which resulted from the fusion of Josuke’s son and his partner.’

  ‘Giorno, honey, you’re going to lose this bet.’ Trish said.

  ‘My love, I think you might be right.’ Giorno replied in a tone which suggested faux surprise.

  ‘I’m your wife, of course, I’m right.’ Trish joked good-naturedly.

  ‘See, um, there was this thing..’ Gappy made funny hand gestures as his words failed him.

  ‘Just start with who Mr. Higashikata’s actual son is.’ Yasuho recommended as Gappy began to stutter and blur his sentences and thought.

  ‘Good idea!’ he straightened up. ‘Two men - Kujo Josefumi and Kira Yoshikage - fused to create me. Through a fruit called Rokaka because they’d almost died and obviously tried to save each other except… they died. And I became… a human from their remains? Anyways, I don’t have amnesia like Yasuho and I thought. I actually have only been alive for a few years even though physically speaking, I am somewhere between the ages of nineteen and thirty-three since Josefumi was nineteen and Kira was thirty-three. Sort of? On the bright side, I have a sister. Her name is Nijimura Kyo and we’re siblings through Kira. But Josefumi is the one with the Joestar blood through Josuke’s sperm. Does that make sense?’

  ‘What the fuck?’ Irene said.

  ‘Irene!’ Jolyne shouted.

  ‘That was a boring and confusing story! Someone tell me something good.’ Irene pouted.

  ‘Irene’s never going to be ready for kindergarten and it’s our fault. We’ve failed as parents.’ Narciso lamented.

  ‘I hate this family, I’ve decided.’ Michael lamented as he put his head in his hands which were propped up on his thighs.

  ‘I - We have a daughter?’ Josuke beamed to Okuyasu.

  ‘And her surname is Nijimura?’ Okuyasu beamed back.

  ‘I have questions but I’m going to let the Speedwagon Foundation deal with them.’ Jotaro decided.

  ‘Good idea, sweetie.’ Holy decided. She clasped her hands together. ‘Well, I think we’ve all be introduced so we should all just… mingle. Exchange stories and whatnot. Goodness knows we’ve got a lot of them.’

  ‘But,’ Giorno said pointedly, ‘we still haven’t decided if we’re going to let them know the worst kept secret about us.’

  He and Trish smiled. There was something sinister about it. Jolyne and her partners grew serious as well. Michael threw them all dirty looks.

  ‘You said that even my uncle, Koichi, knows.’ Yasuho said.

  ‘This family used to have a good reputation.’ Michael said.

  ‘What are you talking about, Michael?’ Jolyne snapped. ‘Most of us here have done more to save the world than anyone on your side of the family, save Johnny and Jorge.’

  ‘But we’ve done some dirty deeds, wouldn’t you say, Jolyne? I mean, why is it that none of my brothers are able to come to family functions? Who was the one to kill them, hmm?’ Giorno passive-aggressively pointed out.

  ‘You would have done the same!’ Jolyne yelled. 

  Hermes visibly stiffened. Jolyne held her hand.

  ‘Yes, but that’s beside the point.’ Giorno relented.

  ‘Let’s not talk about that.’ Holy said. ‘Please, I mean, at least not in front of Irene.’

  ‘Irene is well aware that her parents are murderers and thieves.’ Hermes said.

  ‘Yep!’ Irene shouted.

  ‘Indoor voice, my love.’ Narciso insisted.

  ‘Sorry.’ Irene apologised, insincere.

  ‘Murderers and thieves?’ Yasuho echoed.

  ‘We met in prison.’ Jolyne shrugged. ‘I was in on a false charge. Hermes was in for theft. Narciso in for murder. And things got heated. But I reckon, only Michael, Grandma, and Shizuka are the only people here without any actual blood on their hands.’

  ‘It’s true, you know. Even I’ve… done unsavoury things.’ Trish sighed.

  ‘Is that… it?’ Gappy asked.

  ‘Everyone in this room - Miss Hirose included, should she choose to marry young Gappy here - is the mafia.’ Giorno sang out. ‘Myself and Trish, don and mistress respectively of Team Passione. Narciso is one of my most faithful operatives, has been for six years now. Emporio and Shizuka both do favours for us once in awhile since they’re technology whizzes, as does Miss Costello though her favours are more… physical?’

  ‘Violent.’ Hermes grunted.

  Yasuho sighed.

  ‘Oh thank goodness, we thought it was gonna be something way worse.’

  ‘What are the statistics on this I wonder? Maybe I should run numbers.’ Yasuho murmured. ‘Like, Gappy and I are heavily implicated in some accidental killings, you know, manslaughter and his family is just straight up confessing to all sorts of straight up murders.’

  ‘What the actual fuck is wrong with this family?’ Michael asked.

  ‘Haven’t a clue!’ Holy proudly shouted. ‘But I wouldn’t have it any other way, you know?’

  ‘Th-Thank you for having us, Miss Holy! I feel truly welcomed into this family. I wouldn’t have it any other way.’ Gappy said.

  ‘There’s just one thing I want to know.’ Okuyasu piped up.

  ‘We’re not giving you specific names. And yes, Gappy’s sister named Nijimura was involved in some of those murders.’ Yasuho defended herself.

  ‘Why the name Higashikata Gappy?’ Okuyasu asked.

  ‘The Higashikata Family, the ones from the fruit company, adopted me. So, technically, I have more than one sister. Multiple sisters. And brothers too… but it was Yasuho who named me Gappy.’

  ‘Because of your teeth?!’ Irene screamed out her guess.

  ‘Er, no, not exactly.’ Yasuho said and Gappy scratched behind his head.

  ‘She named me after a pet her family used to have when she was a kid. Said I reminded her of some Linoone her family had.’ Gappy explained.

  Trish laughed.

  Around the room, eyes lit up at the mention of a Pokemon.

  ‘You two are Trainers then?’ Josuke asked excitedly.

  ‘The best.’ Gappy replied confidently.

  ‘He really is a man after my own DNA.’ Josuke joked but there was genuine pride in his eyes.

  ‘I’ll have you know that Johnny Joestar was the first Champion of Unova.’

  ‘Pops is a Pokemon Professor and we’ve both saved the world.’ Jolyne added.

  ‘The Joestar family has always had world class Trainers. Just look at my father, grandmother, and great-grandfather… Battling has never been for me though.’ Holy added.

  ‘We rule the Kalos underbelly with an iron fist.’ Giorno explained.

  ‘O-Oh.’ Yasuho stuttered.

  ‘Uh, Giorno, Honey, two words: Team Flare.’ Hermes teased.

  ‘That was an unfortunate incident besides, who’s still up and running? That’s right, Team Passione and we didn’t let some newbie Trainers defeat us. Hell, guess who my newest operatives are.’

 ‘No!’ Jotaro yelled.

 ‘Yes, actually.’ Narciso lamented.

 ‘That’s right. Their names are Serena and Calem.’ Giorno bragged.

  ‘My goodness! Like, for real? The ones who made news coverage for saving Kalos back in 2013?’

  ‘But it was thanks to my prison gang there was even a 2013 at all. If hadn’t been for us, the world would have ended in 2012.’ Jolyne pouted.

  ‘Er, we mightn’t have saved the world but we’ll still give all of you a good run for your money!’ Gappy declared. ‘Soft N Wet is strong!’

  ‘He really is our son, Josuke.’ Okuyasu said.

  ‘Yeah, he is.’ Josuke agreed.

  ‘It’s almost a shame the venue told us no indoor battles.’ Shizuka said before the atmosphere could turn too intense.

  ‘Good grief, all of you will be the death of me. But, I’m sure we can have a few rounds before breaking something.’ Jotaro said with a smirk.

**Author's Note:**

> This is why Araki reset the fucking universe after Stone Ocean.


End file.
